stones play here tomorrow - regina, saskatchewan! love you dave.

Dave, wicked. x.x.x. Silky.

Dave

sending you energy for great The Panic Channel
shows this weekend

peace

Allan in santa rosa
drumming and being a cancer survivor and living with having it

Can't wait for Spread Ents live just in general to see what you get up to and how it all falls into place. How was the party? Any opportunities to fuck with the tabloids?
Really love this blog and hope this post doesn't disintegrate as badly as the others lately.
Kick ass with a Rockin weekend.
Silky.x.x.x

Yes, after careful and concise deliberations, I'll gladly accept the offer to join you as your right hand man in the upper corner office, top floor, of the Spread Factory West complex as President to your CEO status. :)
Hey, dreams do happen from time to time.

Dave,

Have a safe trip...play well...and have all the fun you can handle!

Love to ya...
D

Scat Legion...you suck.

D

D,

Please do not feed the trolls.

Sincerely,

The Troll Police

Can't wait to see what new and exciting things are spawned from the new headquarters of Spread Entertainment Inc! I wanna see pics of the maddness that's inside the loft....It must look like Dave's Digital Factory! :)
Have fun in Tn and Tx… Love, Amber :)

Dave
Can't wait for Spread entertainment. Have a good time traveling to your shows and stay safe wish I could get there to see TPC live

Much love
Amanda H

Hey dave and fam, i have a long time without coming here, just want to say hi to everyone!

I wonder.... any chance that there might be enough room in that big old building for a "web-o-vision" set??? Something like the one in Tom Green's house?? SRL is great, but it would be better in web-o-vision, don't you all think??? Plus you wouldn't have to deal with Tom hanging up on the "sexy" callers.

In Chaos,
Eris

Looking forward to Leno. Like the loft.

Can't wait to see you Spread Eagle! I wanna see pics of the maddness that's inside.... I must penetrate Dave digitally :)
Have fun in Tn and Tx… Love, Amber :)

Hey Sexxxy,

Have a great couple of days. If you can fit a podcast in, that would be great. I'm glad I have Comcast so I can check out TPC on CONCERT.TV. It'll be my TPC fix. I find it ironic that another former Jane's member is also being featured this month. Coincidence? Be safe and have fun!!!

Ciao Bella

If you need an office manager for Spread Entertainment, I'm your girl.

Marivic, Hi sweetie, I have missed you!

Dave, save the Blue Crabs, too funny. I already heard it on the Panic Channel myspace blog. That you could keep a straight face through it all was quite a feat!

P.S. - That building is close to my house...

Hey Dave,

Loved your video on the soft shell crab.

You're so sexy!

Beth

"Can't wait to see you Spread Eagle! I wanna see pics of the maddness that's inside.... I must penetrate Dave digitally :)
Have fun in Tn and Tx… Love, Amber :) "
____________________________

Slow day Hijacker?

Tight! Still wishin u would come back to DC!

Um, hello~ What the fuck kind of rock star has NOT had an std b4?! Certainly 1 that is not.

Dear Dave,

Today I was eating a bag of Kettle brand krinkle cut potato chips and I found one that looked just like you. That's what I think anyway.

I can send it to you if you want.

Billy Ray Smith
Welner, Arkansas

Bird,

I've never had an STD.

For the record, I've also never eaten meat, made a racial slur, eaten at a restaurant without tipping at least 15%, cheated on my taxes, slept with my guitar players wife, stepped on bug, watched a pornographic movie, used the lord's name in vain, returned clothing I've already worn back to Nordstroms or cut open Christmas presents to see what's inside.

Some of us still have integrity...

Bono

HAHAHA, Blue Crab, you should send that to PETA.

Hey Dave, Hey fam

Just checking in to say hello and wish everyone a great early weekend

RP
x

HA! You know what PETA stands for don't ya!

People
Eating
Tasty
Animals

Take that ya bleeding heart liberal whiners!

The Nuge

Thanks RP. Unfortunately we will holding services for my cousin who passed away suddenly this weekend.

Oh, Dave...I read that review..OUCH!
I finally got to listen to the whole CD, liked
most of it. Please pardon me, but I worry about
hearing "Why Cry" in the dentist's office one
day in the future. Really thought that the
a cappella "Lie Next to Me" was a stunning de-
parture from your usual works. For the most part,
the CD was more melodic than the style used by
Jane's,a nice change. Rolling Stone was unduly
harsh in it's assessment of your bands' honest
art and effort.
Foliage change here, a most beautiful season..
Have a good trip, keep well, much love//a.wolf

AWESOME Dave changed the take over blog to we love Dave. THANKS FOR TAKING CONTROL.

OS, I don't care if your the (ONe) you and I are gonna have to duke it out for that corner office. ;-)

Have fun in TN and TX. Wish you guys were coming East this fall :-(

Love TPC. Dave forget the review...its great.

I response to s---monkeys beliefs on how to bring up children.

Do you know how hard it is to bring up a child today? Clearly you live in some nice wealthy part of the world. Do you know what it is like to have your daughter go out onto streets where Drug dealers deal? To have her peers at school be children of criminals and drug addicts? To have men ask her when she is going to school IN THE MORNING is she available for BUSINESS.

I have to fight this everyday, and to on top of this have her head filled with disgusting ideas from people who should know better.

From the minute I held my daughter in my hands I realised how fragile she was and I was the only one to protect her. And I will. And there are ways. I hope in light of this you will be sensitive in what you say.

SAVE THE BLUE CRABBBBBBBB
can we save the lobsters too ..
hehe anyways just leavin a hi and hopr this weekend is fun

I think Ms. Anderson is the alter ego of Brian from Alberta.

Have a safe flight and hurry back to LA. I don't know you but I still don't like knowing you're gone. Be safe ~

Hey Sue Anderson, here's a thought - Mabey if you cut your internet connection and sold your computer, you could start saving up to move to a better neighborhood. If your daughter is faced with all those dangerous encounters on a daily basis, reading a few off color comments here shouldn't be so damaging. Why don't you log off and tend to your daughter? Everyone has hardships, but in my opinion, you make your bed, you lie in it. How dare you chastise people on here for corrupting your daughter. You and you alone, are responsible for what she sees and does. It's no one else's job.
Lately I am pretty uninterested in what goes on in here and I just scan through the posts, but you really need to get a grip.

Silky, go and suck a dog sausage.

Hey Ms Anderson,

Back in the day...

...We survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant. They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes.

As babies, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets.

As infants & children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, booster seats, seat belts or air bags.

Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle.

We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank koolade made with sugar, but we weren't overweight because we we're inside ON THE COMPUTER or playing XBOX!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on. No one was able to reach us all day. And that was O.K.

If we were boys, we snuck playboys out of our father's dens and read them. We didn't grow up to be perverts

We fell out of trees and off bikes, got cut, broke bones and teeth. There were no lawsuits from these accidents.

We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.

We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays,

We hit each other with sticks and tennis balls and, although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes.

Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment.

As teens we hitchhiked and people actually stopped to pick us up.

NO ONE SHOT UP SCHOOLS, NO ONE DIED.

A couple of chicks got pregnant, but fuck - they were sluts anyway.

You need to lighten up - live a little.

Quit being such a overbearing, overprotective, proud-parent-of-an-honors-list-student, have sex with the lights off, in denial, on xanax, on prozac, need a good assfucking my afraid to come home husband, bitch.

Love Paul

Why would I want to stay here where people are so immature,unkind and unsupportive? What sort of people are you? To attack a single mother?
You don't know what I've been through, and let me tell you a lot of it was out of my control. Not all of us have had mummy and Daddy to bail us out.

So I just got a rtrn email from "Bono" so of course it was not him. Not like Jimmy Page last year. Man, now we got rock stars, writers, etc. and sadly, lots more sick fucks. peace.

Susan Anderson

I can tell this is a very sensitive subject for you. I speak to you as a mother, a child, a survivor of homelessness and just as a fellow sister. I think it is dreadful that you have people trying to buy your daughter at school that is disgusting. I would be taking serious action with the school and having those people told to BEAT IT!

The fact of the matter is babe; it is a fucking wicked world, it is just as important to protect our children from harm, as it is to educate our children on the facts of life. The sad part is they need to take the lesson lived as the lesson learned.

I recommend that you sit down and listen to Pink Floyd The Wall, I really suggest that you listen to Mother. A few lyrics that are inspiring in that song are of a mother filling their child up with fears, their own fears. It is definitely a must listen.

Sometimes, when we protect we actually enable our children from being in charge of their own mind and their own ability to make decisions. This ability is mission critical to a long life.

As for your child coming to this site and being taught horrible things, I think that is your decision to allow or not allow. I also think your daughter may visit otherwise and the communication of what she sees or reads will be shut down.

I also think to come in here and threaten adults with the cops and the authorities are really non effective ways to implement change. To be honest that is probably the most ineffective way to handle the situation. First lesson in life, you cannot control those around you, you have control of yourself. This lesson helps when your daughter is faced with intimate relationships and just choosing what she will or will not be exposed to.

All the best in future endeavors.

PEACE FAMILY and THE ONE LIKE DAVE!!

Luvs
Danielle

Dave, that was very touching, your desire to save the blue crab, and thanks for the very informative description of their copulation.

The animal world is just full of amazing quirks of nature and when it comes to the sexual anatomy and behavior of animals, new discoveries are being made all the time. (The animal world is just filled with worthy causes.)

Were you aware for instance, that one testicle of the average Blue whale can weigh up to 100 pounds? Whales also hold the record for having the largest penises. In large Rorqual whales the penis can be up to 10 feet long, with a diameter of up to one foot. Female Rorqual whales are notoriously cheery. Now you know why.

One very obvious difference in the sexual styles of animals is the great variation in the duration of their sexual encounters. Most beavers spend about three minutes copulating. It takes about two minutes for ducks to finish the deed, and it runs about the same for kangaroo rats. (You might also be interested to know that kangaroo rats never drink water. I know, back to the sex.) To continue the copulation countdown, whales and elephants take about 30 seconds to copulate. Maybe I was wrong about the female Rorqual whales--how cheery could they be, after all?

It takes male chimpanzees 10-20 seconds to reach climax. For mice in the wild, the sexual encounter is over after a mere five seconds. Sex for mosquitoes lasts from 2-3 seconds. Many husbands and boyfriends are feeling pretty good about themselves by now, aren't they?

On the other end of the spectrum, certain insects have been known to have coitus for up to an unbelievable 60 hours. It appears a standing ovation may be in order.

Unfortunately, that admirable length of time is not completely voluntary on the part of the participants. It seems this duration is due, in part, to the fact that insect penises (as well as the organs of some reptiles) lock within the female, making withdrawal difficult. Sometimes withdrawal isn't possible at all, and the penis breaks off. This gives an entirely new meaning to the term "one night stand."

One of the oddest practices in the mating world belongs to a breed of fly. Its technical name is Serromyia femorata. The flies take up a position during sex which resembles kissing, but at the end of mating, the female sucks out the body content of the male through the mouth. So, what we've heard is apparently true. When it comes to a mate, it's what's on the inside that counts.

Just about everyone has heard that the female praying mantis eats the head of its mate after sex. But were you aware that often the female mantis will consume its mate's head during sex? Shockingly, this doesn't deter the male from finishing what he's begun. That's right. If the male mantis has mounted the female before she begins to devour his head, he will successfully complete copulation without it. Most women have always suspected this would be the case with their human counterparts as well.

All of this serves to remind us that although we fret and complain about our sex lives, we should keep in mind that in many ways we've got it easy. It should also keep us a bit more humble. For while we take a lot of pride in our sexual sophistication, it is useful to keep in mind that there are creatures around who have been doing it faster, longer, more often and even, on occasion, without their heads.

MY BLUE CRABS HAVE BLUE BALLS!

I knew you had creepy crabs!!! but never knew they had creepy blue balls!!!
hmmmmmm, interesting!!

Save the blue balls!!!

Ese no era yo, sino le agradece por hacerme aparece inteligente!

Amour Raul

Fried Soft Shell Crabs

1 cup flour
1 teaspoon seafood seasoning
12 Maryland soft shell crabs, cleaned
fat or oil, for frying

Instructions
Mix together flour and seafood seasoning.
Dredge crabs in flour mixture to coat well.
In large fry pan or electric skillet, heat about 1/2 inch cooking oil to 375 degrees Farenheit.
Add crabs and turn heat down to 350 degrees.
Cook crabs until browned, about 5 minutes on each side.
Serves 6 (2 crabs each).

Birdie,

Stupid, stupid girl... Do you really think I would leave my real email address so any mad nutter could reach me. Just the fact that you tried to send me one creeps me out.

Stay the fuck away from me.

Bono

PS - Please help me end world hunger!

Raul, Cómo estaba el partido en el asilo?

Posted by: UC13 at October 5, 2006 06:33 PM

MY BLUE CRABS HAVE BLUE BALLS!

----

You're not going to try and hurt us are you?

Our restraining order says you need to stay at least 200 ft away!

Que paso Unreal

¡Era grande - conseguimos todo borrachos y las mujeres me atacaron!

¡Ese Jezebel realmente come la salchicha bien! Resulta que Danni era muy gordo así que ella y yo no teníamos sexo, pero conseguí pegarme la lengüeta en el anus de Bratty.

Amouor Raul

Dave, listen to your fans.

They are so dedicated to cooking they are even posting pictures and sharing recipes of how to make a cake look like a cat litter.

They need you.

You're not going to try and hurt us are you?
Our restraining order says you need to stay at least 200 ft away!
Posted by: The National Coalition For Blue Crabs at October 5, 2006 07:03 PM

to NCFBC....no that was not a threat of any kind...it is not i that the restraining order is agains.....i am a firm supporter of saving the softshelled blue crabs....dave explained that the plight of the crab is when their lovemaking is interrupted by forceable separating the 2 crab lovers in mid-coitus and throwing them into a deep fat fryer.....therefore the poor horny crustaceans did not get to finish ...and thus my statement....MY BLUE CRABS HAVE BLUE BALLS!
(i wonder if they have little deep-fried boners?)

Could it be there is only one person posting on this site under many, many different names. Who are you, my friend? You are, not me?

Thank you Danielle. Its good of you to speak to me so respectfully.

Thanks also Unreal for that great Crab recipe.

Raul,
Usted perro, alegre oír que usted tenía un buen rato.
Unreal!

Ok, that was painful! Legion, if somebody shoots you I won't cry.

Let me sare another delicious recipe with you.

Blue Crab Linguine.

6 blue crabs.
Olive oil.
Red pepper.
Italian tomatoes.
Parlsey.
Pasil.
Linguine.

Just stew it all up and serbe with pasta! Yum!

Where's 'noodle' these days, he'd love that one Susan.

The simplest way to cook the blue crabs is to toss them in a pot of boiling water for 6 minutes or so. You can also steam them, which will take 8 to 10 minutes. You may need to clean them first. If so, plunge them into boiling water for 30 seconds, remove them and clean them under running water, paying particular attention to use a brush on the underside behind the legs.

When they’re done, the fun begins. First, twist off the crab’s "apron," the small flap on the underside, and discard. Next, with the crab upside down, press down on one side of the top shell and pull up on the center and leg sections with the other hand until they come apart. Remove the gills from each side and discard. Twist off the legs and claws, take the mallet, and have at it. Melted butter, lemon, and/or tartar sauce are perfect accompaniments.

Of course, you can also take a much more civilized route and make a She-Crab Soup, but that’s no bargain and not much less work, either.

I hope Dave is not offended by these recipes Susan. Perhaps he can bring his quest to save the blue crab to Reality Television, call it Crabstar Perverse Aroma or something.

Am I alone?

Good, I was worried there for a second. Now stop that you creton.

yawn....legion you bore me.....grow up...and oh yeah...EAT A DICK!

You know what? Its true. We do Love Dave. And we are not going to let you take over his blog.
And by the way he doesn't like poetry, haven't you seen me laugh at people over on the asylum who put poetry on here? Even though they are new and don't know? Also I am Dave's very special fan and what is even more worrying is I am going to be a nurse and be responsible for sick and dying people.

Legion probably has blue balls.

What did that even mean? "All Your Blog Are Belong To Us" is nonsense.

Legion, Legion,
In what godforsaken realm have you left your reason?

Legion, judging on the syntax alone, is haha.

This blog is funny.

Dave,

I have been looking for a job for several months and was about to accept an offer. But I will wait until you are back so we can discuss what position you would like to me to assume at the new SEI world headquarters. It can be the Eleventh Posture Of The Perfumed Garden or Controller, your choice.

Love ya, don't ever change

This blog is hysterical at times, stick around.

happy canadian thanksgiving dave!!
and i don't need to repeat myself 102 times like someone else

Good news - according to the Drudge Report and MSNBC:

"Marijuana may help stave off Alzheimer’s. Active ingredient in pot may help preserve brain function"

What is a person doing here who reads the Drudge Report? I love Dave.

no it it is not funny.

kanoehead - you counted?
David - "it it" IS funny LOL

Dave, I am thirty eight, single and have five children.

Will you have sex with me?

Just click on my name to get my Email.

Oh, so now we're soliciting sex from Dave. Well I'd like to jump on that bandwagon. Check my email too stud.

No it is not funny.

Okay the repetitive thing sucks. STOP BORING ME!! So much for you being a creative little gremlin!

In Chaos,
Eris

Yes, it is David, honestly. Would I lie to you?

Yes it is funny.

Evening Dave. :-) That “blue crabs� ‘PSA’ is still cracking me up. LOL You describe the terrible plight of the poor little blue crabs so eloquently. *tears up, just a bit* LOL :-P Wow, cool looking site for ‘the loft.’ Can’t wait until you start getting that puppy fired up in January, after seeing what Tom has done with his setup. :-) Hope you have a wonderful time rockin’ out with the boys on the weekend. Thanks for the CONCERT.TV link. Peace, bro. :-)

Well, it's very late in the evening where I am and as much as I dream of independant wealth so I can sit here all night convincing David of the utter hilariousness of this blog, I have to sign off and get some sleep so I can work in the morning. Fishing blue crabs can be a dangerous business (what with all the poser crab lovers around these days since Dave took up the cause) and I need all my faculties intact.

Wtf!! Blah blah blah...

Anyhow--Dave maybe you can show us video clips or something of the lofty Spread as it's coming together? I'd be taking particular interest in the electronics and gadgets...and that fun stuff...Technology!

How about- "My blue balls have blue crabs"?
I don't know --but those are crabs you wouldn't want to eat!
Have a greta night all!

No it is not funny. Would I lie to you honey?
Now would I say something that wasn't true?

♫ ♫ I'm asking you honey (again) would I liiiiiie to you? ♫ ♫
(I knew you had it in ya!)

to go with your tattoo..

http://www.planetwaves.net/contents/auschwitz_photo_series.html

Yes it is funny. II'm telling you sugar, would I lie ie ie to you?

♫ ♫ Would I lie to you David,
♫ ♫ Why would I say somethin' that wasn't true
♫ ♫ I'm askin' you sugar would I lie-i-i-i-i-ie to you?

Enter sandman, (drags me off), night all!

Que pasa Unreal,

Buenos nachos

...y alas de pollo!

Amour Raul

Someone said:

"Anyhow--Dave maybe you can show us video clips or something of the lofty Spread as it's coming together? I'd be taking particular interest in the electronics and gadgets...and that fun stuff...Technology!"

Yes tell us more. We're liking the geek in you. I'm jealous. If I were a rich rock guy, I'd do this.

Look, Dave I am going to be honest.

You were/are a great musician, keep loving what you do. But its time to move on. You are clearly a brilliant T.V show host concentrate on this now. People love to watch you. I would love to watch you host a cookery programme. Or a shopping channel.

Bye for now.

ALAS,
No Dave with CAMP FREDDY, on Leno. They did a good job though.

ROCK ON DAVE AND TPC...We do love you!

Dave, listen to your fans.

They are so dedicated to cooking they are even posting pictures and sharing recipes of how to make a cake look like a cat litter.

They need you.

Posted by: nachoswithbluecrab at October 5, 2006 07:13 PM

What this troll is really saying:"LOOK AT ME!! LOOK AT ME!! I'M A TROLL WHO LURKS AT THE ASYLUM!! I'M A LONELY BITTER PIECE OF SHIT WITH NOTHING BETTER TO DO WITH MY LIFE BUT WASTE SPACE, BOTH THE EARTHS AND DAVE'S..."

the guy who posts under the name Rick (the "decorator" who has time to post messages 10 hours a day and lives off his girlfriend) on the Asylum is the same person who posts here under different names and insults everyone. he pretends to make friends there and then comes to this site and bashes everyone.

incorrect, grande piece of shit, Amazing Randi...
I come here to bash the shit out of troll, and only troll.
You should know that by now.

With friends like you, who needs enemas?
Well, gotta get some rest... hard day of bashing ahead tomorrow... you jealous little gnome.

Yeah, but he still lives off his girlfriend........

Oh come on! Ya left yaself wide open for that one!!!

Tag Rick,

Ich mag es, wenn Sie alle sprechen, die wie das haltbar sind!

Sie grosser arschficker Sie!

Liebe Paschke

Ah, fame at last!
Gracias, merci etc. etc.
Ruth, I'll get you for that! I live ON my girlfriend, post comments in ASSylum ten hours a day, work ten hours a day, fight here with RuPaul six hours a day, and play my Squire three hours a day, and spend all my spare time making wonderful new friends and sharing cake recipes.
Magic with numbers. Now lick me!

Dont forget you also construct miniature replicas of the Toronto towers out of catpoo.

You are the uber-man Art Carcass!

Dear Rick,

Thank you for your support. It warms my heart to know that thousands of kids like you are out there playing our guitars.

Make sure and stop by SquireGuitars.com to check out our new OBEY and HELLO KITTY series guitars!

Best wishes,

Leo Fender

Dear Leo;
Thanks for your attention in this matter, but you have been misinformed. I play only the 50th Anniversary Edition Fender Strat (last year's left-handed model), and the Hendrix Re-Issue model from 1989. I also hope you won't be saddened to hear that I also own a Gibson Custom Les Paul in red sunburst, a Kramer Imperial limited edition with original Floyd Rose, two Ibanez basses, two hand-crafted Norman acoustic guitars, and have a fully stocked home studio.
There is another Les Paul, currently in the shop for repairs, after I had to manually adjust the truss rod via Troll rectum insertion a couple of weeks ago.
Please forgive me for not playing your Squire series guitars, although they must be okay if Kim Mitchell uses them.
Cheers,
RT

By the way Randi/Legion... how long did it take to post that WE LOVE DAVE and ALL YOUR BLOG ARE BELONG TO US, shit?
Time is your enemy, not me.

Circumstantial evidence is a very tricky thing. It may seem to point very straight to one thing, but if you shift your own point of view a little, you may find it pointing in an equally uncompromising manner to something entirely different.

Randi G, what a poor excuse for a detective you are!

Rick Tyrrell might effectively post under various aliases, but even the littlest brain will realize that the gentleman always had the testicular fortitude to let everyone on the games he was playing by utilizing his actual electronic mail address.

You wouldn't be trying to divert attention from YOUR many aliases, now would you? That would be inappropriate and inexcusable when in company of distinguished, respectable people such as the delightful mister Tyrrell, David Micheal Navarro, owner of this webpage you are desecrating with your gratuitous and unfounded accusations, my dear old friend Dr. John H.Watson, and myself.

I know mister Tyrrell would like nothing better than to 'redecorate' that slimy, filthy, disgusting face of yours that only a blind and mentally challenged mother could love, but being the gentleman that he is, he will refain from doing so.

Some of his acquintances, however, might not be so civilized.

Beware, sockpuppet, as a day of reckoning is at bay. You might be legion, but when we are gathered as one, Heaven and Hell shall tremble and fear our might.

Rest assured that you will go down.

Goodnight Troll;
I have already grown weary of owning your ass... brilliance loses its lustre after repetition. I appreciate your attention and efforts to amuse me.
Pleasant dreams.

Hey Rick,

Wow, thanks for sharing that.
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzz

Love Leo

My My, Mr. Holmes;
You are sounding very much like me... thanks for the logical argument that you post. The time of your comment pretty much precludes my involvement, and that heartens me, given the slander and jealousy aimed in my direction lately.
Please show a little mercy for this poor, wretched lost soul... his life is devoid of meaning, and his attempts at articulation and humor are fumbled and mangled to a greater degree with each passing day. Basically, fuck him and his ilk.
A badly beaten foe who doesn't have the honor to acknowledge it,
is beyond redemption.

"We love Dave!
We love Dave!
We love Dave!
We love Dave!
We love Dave!
We love Dave!
We love Dave!
We love Dave!"

"All Your Blog Are Belong To Us
All Your Blog Are Belong To Us
All Your Blog Are Belong To Us
All Your Blog Are Belong To Us
All Your Blog Are Belong To Us
All Your Blog Are Belong To Us
All Your Blog Are Belong To Us
All Your Blog Are Belong To Us"

Effectively, as mister Tyrrell so astutely pointed out, you, my dear troll, seem to be the one with too much time on your hands...
that is, when these hands of yours are not used to pleasure yourself, as there is no doubt in my mind, and plentiful evidence here, that you are without a love interest in your life.
Only a pitiful and loveless bottom-feeder like yourself could find solace in disturbing the equilibrim of this exquisite website.

Now begone, before I get Sherlockian on your arse.

Hey Leo;
Glad to see we are on a first name basis, what with you being such a big shot (like Dick from Wells Fargo) and me just a consumer.
I think it's way past your bed time, sir.
I have a little complaint about the tonality of the bridge pick-up on the Hendrix re-issue Strat, but we can take that up some other time.
Until then,
up yours (headstock first).

Sherlock,

Blah blah blah blah blah...

Let me know when you want to stop playing baby games and get serious.

PM

Dear Holmes;
Exquisite work! Where HAVE you been lately?
Let me know when you want to come here and stomp on roaches, and I will call the ever-dependable Unreal and UC13... it shall be the most gleeful of all massacres.
Have a wonderful day, 67ers!
(no, not YOU, Pole Smoker)

"Sherlock,
Blah blah blah blah blah..."
Posted by: Paul Moriarty at October 6, 2006 12:03 AM

Now THERE is a reply beyond answer!
What a scintillating intellect!
Holmes, give him the needle, quickly!

There, Watson, this infernal case had haunted me for ten days. I hereby banish it completely from my presence

It is always awkward doing business with an alias.
~Sherlock Holmes~

Dear Rick,

One good thing about being dead is that I really don't have a bed time...

I just want to assure you that my spirit lives on in every instrument that we make. Its important that you know that and trust that no matter how bad you play, no matter what kind of weasels being fed into a lawnmower screeching your clumsy fingers extract from our instruments, regardless of whatever sort of caterwaul your hamfisted meat-paws produce from a guitar - that we still love you.

Please remember that, and never give up hope. Never stop believing that even though you are a 30-something pizza delivery guy mooching off of his girlfriend with no talent and no clear sense of purpose, STRANGER THINGS HAVE HAPPENED! And maybe someday, after you've wished on enough stars, you just might be able to make it as a rock star.

NOT!!!

(ha ha, just kidding. Heaven is a little boring)

Leo

"weasels being fed into a lawnmower screeching your clumsy fingers extract from our instruments"

nice visual - pretty much nails every bad guitar shredder I've ever heard

Dearest Deceased Leo;
No bed time, and lots of down time for posting comments to guys who can't play? Sounds fascinating!
Maybe you should confer with Randi, who seems to think I am a contractor and not a pizza delivery guy. It's all so confusing... and all these idiots up here in Toronto who consider me one of the finest players in the city, what fools!
Tell you what, Dead Leo, just post your mailing address right here for me and I will send you a sample of my playing. I would appreciate your opinions and guidance. Perhaps I could even drop by one afternoon with one of my Strats?
Any time, Leo.
Your existence has given me a new sense of purpose.
For that, I salute.

And don't think you can hide from me. As I have said time and time again:

There is no branch of detective science which is so important and so much neglected as the art of tracing footsteps.

'Tis what I excel at, and in your case, finding your sad self is always elementary, as I only need to trust my olfactive sense to follow this horrible stench that emanates from that slimy carcass of yours straight to the sewers, where you seem to enjoy bathing in the company of your legion.

I would suggest you at least wash your feet so that the trail would not be so obvious. I can even find your trace all the way back to the Asylum: as my dear friend Watson has so astutely noticed, there seems to be a lot more guests than actual members in this vicinity - friends of yours, I suppose? A kettle of vultures searching for some pour soul to scavenge?

You can blah blah blah and zzzzzzzzzz all you want, birdbrain, your arse belongs to this humble poster.

Please let me know when you want to leave this teenage wasteland of yours and play the game like a gentleman.

So if you don't mind, while you are nursing those generative glands of yours to adulthood, I will bid you 'Adieu' and find some rest, as I find it more stimulating to sleep than to bear witness to all the mindless, witless, worthless remarks you painfully make us endure.

Hasta la vista, mayate!

Hey Bloumeister?
Please tell Leo Fender that I CAN TOO play his guitars, real good?
Please convince him for me?
Hahaha, fuck it, and fuck the PoleRaul.
(uproarious laughter... reaching for axe)

Dear Leo,

blah blah blah

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

shitty guitar yak yak yak

Paul/Raul/Paschke sez EVS

...

Haven't you heard of CDs and MP3 technology?

Your old vinyl LPs and 45s seem to skip and loop a lot.

crushed, humiliated, bested, berated, flattened, smacked, punished, bruised, blackened, annihilated, excoriated, torn asunder, exposed, reviled, gored, mashed, torched, harpooned,
immolated, dissected, buried, exhumed and further humiliated,
squashed, squished, mutilated, devoured, spat out, decapitated,
necrotic loser, anonymous coward, carrion blowfly, social leper,
repetitive bore, inglorious abhorrent should have been aborted
TROLL!
What more need be done for you to recognize your lack of honor?
Spit is too good for you.
Be gone, to the abyss of ignorance, never to return!

Posted by: Art Carcass at October 6, 2006 12:31 AM

"Tell you what, Dead Leo, just post your mailing address right here for me and I will send you a sample of my playing..."

Sure why not. All I've got is time, right?

Send to: 1702 Fairhaven Ave., Santa Ana, CA 92705

Love Leo

"Hey Bloumeister?
Please tell Leo Fender that I CAN TOO play his guitars, real good?
Please convince him for me?
Hahaha, fuck it, and fuck the PoleRaul.
(uproarious laughter... reaching for axe)"
Posted by: Art Carcass at October 6, 2006 12:35 AM

Gee, I wish I could, Rick, but right now I'm impersonating Sherlock Holmes, and he's going to bed!

Anyways, those guitars are so good, they play themselves!

Now bagpipes, THAT'S a challenge for our buddy Leo! Just remember to blow INTO them, not blow them - years in the Legion will do that to you, I've been told.

Anyways... that's all folks!
(please visit http://www.barbneal.com/looney.htm
for a better ending to all this)

Posted by: RCA Victor at October 6, 2006 12:43 AM

Dear Leo,

blah blah blah

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

shitty guitar yak yak yak

Paul/Raul/Paschke sez EVS

...

Haven't you heard of CDs and MP3 technology?

Your old vinyl LPs and 45s seem to skip and loop a lot

-----

What other tricks can you do?

thanks Leo;
Watch the mail next week.
You won't regret it.
(well, you won't LIVE to regret it)
Goodnight!

Make sure and tell the postman, Section J - next to the tree...

Thanks Leo;
I'll be sending flowers too, cool?
Nice website, by the way.
Final goodnight, dead LeoRaulPole etc.
xoxox

God, someone really must have some time on their hands, huh? You want a site to troll, go visit www.theranter.com - they're looking forward to your arrival.

Dave as much as I hate to say it, I'd turn moderate the comments on - if only to stop the instant gratification factor. I know you probably don't have the time to do the moderating but maybe you could ask someone you trust here to help out. Otherwise the trolls will just hang around for good and that's a shame, it seems like you have a nice community of people who are your fans.

The other thought - have you thought of making a forum where your fans can chat rather than the comments page? I think that would work out a lot better instead of having to pick through all these comments and you have a lot more control over trolls with that kind of format, as in you can ban their IP addresses and not allow them to use proxies etc. The better kind of forum is the vbulletin but it does cost a little to get a license for it - it's worth it though.

What do the other Dave fans think of these ideas? ;)

Em to be honest I'd rather read some of this shit then exchange and and talk about pictures of cakes that look like cat litters.

Cat litter cakes - or trolls?

Dave
If you need an interior Desinger for the loft let me know. I would be happy to take the job. I am always looking for new clients.

To Trolls_0n_parade who posted

"LOOK AT ME!! LOOK AT ME!! I"M A TROLL WHO LURKS AT THE ASYLUM. I"M A LONELY BITTER PIECE OF SHIT WITH NOTHING BETTER TO DO WITH MY LIFE THAN WASTE SPACE BOTH THE EARTH AND DAVES."

Gee you're sexy when you get all worked up.

I LOVE it that you post my comments again!!

Also are you really telling me anything I don't know? Of course I'm bitter that I have nothing better to do than take the piss out of people who make cat litter cakes.

Em to be honest I'd rather read some of this shit then exchange and and talk about pictures of cakes that look like cat litters.

Cat litter cakes - or trolls?

Posted by: catkiller@hotmail.com at October 6, 2006 02:40 AM

Look another "LOOK AT ME! I'M A 30 YEAR OLD TROLL LIVING IN MOM'S BASEMENT! I HAVE NO SELF ESTEEM SO TO MAKE MYSELF FEEL ADEQUATE I MAKE A MESS ON SOMEONE ELSES BLOG! SO I STALK....I MEAN LURK AT A BB WHERE PEOPLE GET ALONG! I WISH I HAD REAL FRIENDS"

Hey Dave, time to (close) this one too. People have no respect for you, themselves or others.

Em, yes, Amanda you'd better try and contact Dave somewhere else about a job as he doesn't actually read this.

soooooooooooooooo someone doesn't like me? Aw... This blog is about Dave and his antics - people like me read it for that, nothing else so imposters and idiots get a grip take note - hatemail / haters - another simple American concept from a simple mind oooh - lets ad an "er" to make a word... I'll give you a few words since it's the attention you sadly crave, clearly you got no mates. No where else to take your slime? So you leave it dripping on here? Not arsed darling, Silky kisses......... You have to attempt to steal my name and an email address too? Gosh I'm almost flattered nah, I'm not... Suck a dog? GUess what Baby? I suck anything cos I do it so well...
Have a great weekend everyone else. Dave, wish to fuck I was gonna be there to watch you play just waitin for you to come back to the UK.....
Silky.x.x.x

Trolls_on_parade I am actually thirty eight.

My life is even more tragic than the one described.

Oh sure, you guys take the corner office. I'll take the office next to Dave.
Dave, need an executive secretary?

Lisa
xxxx

But not as tragic as Silkys I reckon.

By the way Silky, not suck a dog - a dog sausage.

Actually, I just had friends over and I baked them a cat litter cake.